The most useful perspective to embrace when aiming to improve the quality of your relationship with anyone is to accept - YOU ARE THE AUTHOR OF THE SCRIPT - and the people who are playing the part , in this case your family, are simply acting out the roles you're writing for them.

I know this is really, Really, REALLY HARD to accept this when you're writing scripts for others that are causing you pain e.g. scripts that involve you being rejected, disrespected, unappreciated etc. etc.

But keeping it real - if you're not writing the script - there is no possible way for you to change it - now that's far more depressing than realising you're ultimately responsible for all the unpleasant things that happen to you interpersonally.

Now that you have accepted that you are actually in charge of the quality of your relationships, the next step is beginning to trust your feelings and be pro-active in creating and receiving your ideal relationship.

What I mean by trusting your feelings is accepting it's okay to want the best in terms of love and respect, and support and co-operation. Once you identify your ideal you need to start being pro-active by communicating your wishes directly to your partner or children, feeling totally worthy and guilt free about what you're asking for -- and trusting that you will be heard and honoured.

Being pro-active is also being prepared to hold those involved accountable to delivering what you've requested consistently. In other words you need to be prepared to teach your partner and children how to play the part exactly the way you'd like it - without judgement or frustration.

What usually happens in challenging relationships is we become reactive - that is we fear we won't receive what we truly desire, so:

• We don't directly ask for it - or
• If we do ask for it we feel defensive, embarrassed or snappy and so push it away. or
• We feel so guilty about wanting it we pretend that we don't have any desires at all.

Unfortunately this denial builds up and starts coming out in nasty destructive ways such as - over-eating, anger, dissatisfaction, criticism, indifference, consumerism, cynicism.... All of these defensive behaviours end up attracting what we're trying to avoid.

This rule is ultra-important -- having a sense of humour about the whole creative process is essential in accelerating your learning. When you can accept negative emotions and events as not being a big deal, they're easier to talk about, let go of and transform. Our interpretations of our emotions and events are often a lot more painful than the experiences themselves.

Choose to see every experience you attract into your life as a wonderful opportunity to learn and grow

Like any skill becoming masterful in applying the above requires a lot of practice and commitment - and like learning any new skill in the beginning you're not going to feel very skilful at it. However, guess what? If you practice the above principles daily I'll guarantee you'll improve RAPIDLY.

Know that your ultimate success is guaranteed.

With a light and focused attitude to the whole process of learning how to create your ideal relationships (and anything for that matter) you'll save yourself years of frustration and angst.

Speaking of saving yourself years of frustration and angst -- you can start now by completing the following activity -- unfortunately just reading the above will not change a thing, however doing the following activity will.

Activity:

1. Find a nice piece of paper and pen and write down your ideal relationship with your spouse, children and parents. Put it somewhere safe and accessable and read it to yourself daily. Practice breathing calmly while you are reading it and imagine how it feels receiving or experiencing what you have written.
2. Once a week make a decision to improve one aspect of your relationship with your spouse, children or parents. Talk about it with your spouse/partner and come up with a few strategies.
3. Practice keeping the whole process light. Focus on what's working rather than what isn't, remind yourself your exactly where you're meant to be, and know that you will succeed in creating your ideal relationship provided your persist and keep an open mind.

Would you like professional support?

As I mentioned, learning to apply the above can initially be challenging and you'll achieve success far more quickly in an inspirational coaching partnership than in isolation.

SO, If you're really keen to build momentum and positive change immediately in your relationship feel free to zip on over and check out our Coaching Services

Now go create a wonderful day! Dixon Hammer.